Am I Just His Jump Off?

A Reader’s Question:

I have a friend who randomly met this guy at a party.  My friend and this guy talked over the phone for a while before they decided to see each other a second time.  They decided to meet at his home to watch movies.  While she was there, they had sex.  Now just to remind you again, this is only the SECOND time my friend has seen this dude.  Well, after all this went down, this guy started trippin’ and telling my friend that they shouldn’t have ever had sex, and that they shouldn’t see each other again.  BUT in the same breath, he would change his mind, and tell her to come back over so that they can have sex again.  My friend decided to go back and have sex with this guy again.  Not surprisingly, the guy did the same thing again by telling her that they shouldn’t have sex.

What’s up with this situation?  Why can’t this dude make up his mind?  Do you think my friend made a big mistake by having sex with him in the first place?
My Advice:

I receive good questions every day, but I have actually been waiting for a question like this for a while.  Ladies, listen up, because I am about to school you on exactly how men think in these types of situations.  I previously broke down the different stages that men go through when dating; the dog stage, the player stage and the looking for love stage.  It sounds like this guy was either in the player or dog stage.  Most likely he’s in the dog stage.  It’s 100% obvious that the guy didn’t want anything more from your friend than sex.  If you’re not sure what a man’s intentions are towards you are, look out for certain signs, like he never wants to go out in public with you.  A good example would be, he always wants to just chill in the crib and “watch movies”.   If a man is really feeling you, he won’t have a problem taking you out every once in a while.  Another red flag is only calling you late at night after parties (booty call hours).  If you’ve never been invited to hang out with his friends, he isn’t feeling you.

Men rate women to their friends, and it’s often on a scale of 1-10.  That’s just what we do it, whether we admit it to you or not.  We’re not being disrespectful.  We just want to know how our friends view you.  Most men want, and often need, their friends’ approval of a female that they are going to take seriously.  If you’re not at least an 8 in their friends’ eyes, don’t expect the guy to be showing you off anytime soon.  This may seem harsh, but again, I’m just keeping it real.

I can’t be mad at the guy in this situation though.  These types of men are going to do whatever the woman lets him get away with.  If he calls her every Friday night at 2:45, after the club lets out (where he probably got 3 or 4 different numbers), and the girl decides to come over, that’s her stupidity.

No man is going to buy a cow he really doesn’t want, if he’s already getting the milk for free.  Some women have these one-night stands, and wonder why men aren’t trying to wife them up.  Let’s be real.  Men put women into three categories; wifey material, friend with benefits or jump off.  It’s that simple.  It’s up to the woman to dictate which category you allow yourself to be put into.  Some guys are going to be mad at me for this, but women need to stop giving it up so easily.  Have some respect for yourself, and maybe then, men will start respecting you.

Hopefully, I’ve shed some light on this subject for you.

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ABOUT

Dedan Tolbert is the award-winning author of best selling novel, “The Love We Had…” and critically acclaimed advice book, “Ask Dedan” Sex, Dating & Relationships-Vol I.

“The Dedan Tolbert Show” airs weeknights at 9pm on The TB&D Radio Network and can be heard live by logging onto his social network, DedansPlace.net or calling 646-200-0366.

Dedan can be contacted with questions and comments at askdedan@gmail.com or Dedansplace.net