Women Dogging Themselves

A Reader’s Question: 

            My girlfriend and I have been going back and forth on a debate.   She says if you’re fast with the “ass”, then that keeps your “new man” from going somewhere else (if you knew her age you would scream!  Lol!)

            I have a different opinion.  I feel you should stimulate the “mind”, as well as the “behind”.  By this I mean sex can wait until you get to know that person.  Ultimately, that man will respect you more in the end.

            I won’t lie.  I’ve had “jump offs” in the past.  But on the real, if you are truly feeling a person, I just think it’s best to get to know the mental, before getting to the physical.  Ok Dedan. Bring it.  What do you think?

My Advice:

            Hey what’s up?  It’s great to get a question from another one of my favorite readers.

            You need to talk to your friend because she’s trippin’ if she thinks that giving it up to a man quickly, is going to keep him around.  That’s actually the fastest way for him to move onto his next conquest.

            Over the years I’ve given this same advice many times, but here it is again for anyone who may have missed it.  When a man meets a woman, he immediately puts her into one of two categories: wifey potential or jump off.  The woman determines how the man classifies her.  No man is going to respect a woman who doesn’t respect herself.  If a woman gives it up easily, then what the heck makes you think the guy is going to seriously consider bringing that woman home to meet his mom?  In the back of his mind, he’s going to be wondering how many other guys hit it that quickly.

            Now, if the woman presents herself in a respectful way, then the guy has no choice but to respect her.  If sex is all he’s after, and he sees that he’s not going to get it quickly, then he’ll move on to someone else.  If he sticks around, that’s proof that he’s truly interested in you.

            A woman giving it up too soon just makes it easier for men to move onto the next woman, who is just as easy.  The unfortunate thing is that many women wonder why they get dogged. The fact of the matter is that men don’t dog women.  Women dog themselves.

            Hopefully, I’ve shed some light on this subject for you.

Dedan Tolbert

Award-winning author, advice columnist &
host of “The Dedan Tolbert Show”

Listen live weeknights at 9:00pm EST exclusively on
The TB&D Enterprises Radio Network
 
For more information, visit, DedanTolbert.com
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Am I Just His Jump Off?

A Reader’s Question:

I have a friend who randomly met this guy at a party.  My friend and this guy talked over the phone for a while before they decided to see each other a second time.  They decided to meet at his home to watch movies.  While she was there, they had sex.  Now just to remind you again, this is only the SECOND time my friend has seen this dude.  Well, after all this went down, this guy started trippin’ and telling my friend that they shouldn’t have ever had sex, and that they shouldn’t see each other again.  BUT in the same breath, he would change his mind, and tell her to come back over so that they can have sex again.  My friend decided to go back and have sex with this guy again.  Not surprisingly, the guy did the same thing again by telling her that they shouldn’t have sex.

What’s up with this situation?  Why can’t this dude make up his mind?  Do you think my friend made a big mistake by having sex with him in the first place?
My Advice:

I receive good questions every day, but I have actually been waiting for a question like this for a while.  Ladies, listen up, because I am about to school you on exactly how men think in these types of situations.  I previously broke down the different stages that men go through when dating; the dog stage, the player stage and the looking for love stage.  It sounds like this guy was either in the player or dog stage.  Most likely he’s in the dog stage.  It’s 100% obvious that the guy didn’t want anything more from your friend than sex.  If you’re not sure what a man’s intentions are towards you are, look out for certain signs, like he never wants to go out in public with you.  A good example would be, he always wants to just chill in the crib and “watch movies”.   If a man is really feeling you, he won’t have a problem taking you out every once in a while.  Another red flag is only calling you late at night after parties (booty call hours).  If you’ve never been invited to hang out with his friends, he isn’t feeling you.

Men rate women to their friends, and it’s often on a scale of 1-10.  That’s just what we do it, whether we admit it to you or not.  We’re not being disrespectful.  We just want to know how our friends view you.  Most men want, and often need, their friends’ approval of a female that they are going to take seriously.  If you’re not at least an 8 in their friends’ eyes, don’t expect the guy to be showing you off anytime soon.  This may seem harsh, but again, I’m just keeping it real.

I can’t be mad at the guy in this situation though.  These types of men are going to do whatever the woman lets him get away with.  If he calls her every Friday night at 2:45, after the club lets out (where he probably got 3 or 4 different numbers), and the girl decides to come over, that’s her stupidity.

No man is going to buy a cow he really doesn’t want, if he’s already getting the milk for free.  Some women have these one-night stands, and wonder why men aren’t trying to wife them up.  Let’s be real.  Men put women into three categories; wifey material, friend with benefits or jump off.  It’s that simple.  It’s up to the woman to dictate which category you allow yourself to be put into.  Some guys are going to be mad at me for this, but women need to stop giving it up so easily.  Have some respect for yourself, and maybe then, men will start respecting you.

Hopefully, I’ve shed some light on this subject for you.

________________________________

ABOUT

Dedan Tolbert is the award-winning author of best selling novel, “The Love We Had…” and critically acclaimed advice book, “Ask Dedan” Sex, Dating & Relationships-Vol I.

“The Dedan Tolbert Show” airs weeknights at 9pm on The TB&D Radio Network and can be heard live by logging onto his social network, DedansPlace.net or calling 646-200-0366.

Dedan can be contacted with questions and comments at askdedan@gmail.com or Dedansplace.net